I feel like I'm coming to accepting this. From drowning in my self created mazes, from people I tried to escape. I'm still rooted, where I am, and my past will be forever etched in my memory, times I've tried to not only escape people, but myself. I got lost almost voluntarily, almost as if in quest to find myself, on the streets, in shops of nowhere, below my own skies, which seemed so alien. The world that was jelly in my hands, slipping from my palms and I could do nothing about it. I got prone to killing myself, the instinct that still lives on in my being. Still there have been times I've been able to find reason, and I have figured that by reason and reason alone can I move forward and conquer. I see myself a little above the deep unknown, afloat on the water, I'm not moving, I'm not sinking. Complexities surround us, and we usually rub our eyes to misunderstand them. They become threats, and we always look for people to direct us. Sometime...
To harbour an idea, (I won’t say dream for that seems needlessly embellished for this piece) for a good many days, months and even years, having gone through very distinct phases – of thinking it in the first place, of establishing it as one to pursue, of wanting to act upon it but not, of acting upon it and failing, to actually achieving it has served as an eye opener of the first order for me, and though I don’t completely comprehend its ramifications, here’s what I have understood so far. For once in all my years, I set out to chase something that I believed (and believe) would ultimately become my profession. At last, to the relief of many and myself, I had a singular direction and the only visible trajectory was forwards in a linear motion. Though I am not one for jotting notes, it was all charted in my mind, organized according to serial number, colour and topic. I’d do the usual and achieve something mind-bogglingly grand. I’d escape the nest to find my calling and...
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