Epiphany
I feel like I'm coming to accepting this.
From drowning in my self created mazes, from people I tried to escape.
I'm still rooted, where I am, and my past will be forever etched in my memory, times I've tried to not only escape people, but myself.
I got lost almost voluntarily, almost as if in quest to find myself, on the streets, in shops of nowhere, below my own skies, which seemed so alien. The world that was jelly in my hands, slipping from my palms and I could do nothing about it.
I got prone to killing myself, the instinct that still lives on in my being.
Still there have been times I've been able to find reason, and I have figured that by reason and reason alone can I move forward and conquer.
I see myself a little above the deep unknown, afloat on the water, I'm not moving, I'm not sinking.
Complexities surround us, and we usually rub our eyes to misunderstand them. They become threats, and we always look for people to direct us.
Sometimes I awaken to epiphanies which expose me to complexities as complexities per se.
These epiphanies also expose me to my strength, I am powerful, and I am the best guide to that maze, because it is me who is the creator of that maze, and it is I who can destroy it.
When you awaken to some wisdom, you awaken to hope even.
Part of my conscious wants to drown again, it's almost like I'm in the Ganges dipping repeatedly for sins not known to me.
Another part of me looks at the other people in that river, people who can save you from drowning in that water, hold your hand and save you from being hit by a bus you so eagerly awaited to come knock the life out of you.
Help won't always be there, but then nor will your self created maze.
Then you may look back wondering What was that?
Was it me, in the black hole all this time?
It will be a past that will become etched in your memory.
And there will be a day when you'll look back at it in wonder, how you were a creator, a destroyer, so unapologetically human, an acceptor of your weakness, and above all a winner of your game.
It will dawn on you like a realisation, very gradually, like an epiphany.
From drowning in my self created mazes, from people I tried to escape.
I'm still rooted, where I am, and my past will be forever etched in my memory, times I've tried to not only escape people, but myself.
I got lost almost voluntarily, almost as if in quest to find myself, on the streets, in shops of nowhere, below my own skies, which seemed so alien. The world that was jelly in my hands, slipping from my palms and I could do nothing about it.
I got prone to killing myself, the instinct that still lives on in my being.
Still there have been times I've been able to find reason, and I have figured that by reason and reason alone can I move forward and conquer.
I see myself a little above the deep unknown, afloat on the water, I'm not moving, I'm not sinking.
Complexities surround us, and we usually rub our eyes to misunderstand them. They become threats, and we always look for people to direct us.
Sometimes I awaken to epiphanies which expose me to complexities as complexities per se.
These epiphanies also expose me to my strength, I am powerful, and I am the best guide to that maze, because it is me who is the creator of that maze, and it is I who can destroy it.
When you awaken to some wisdom, you awaken to hope even.
Part of my conscious wants to drown again, it's almost like I'm in the Ganges dipping repeatedly for sins not known to me.
Another part of me looks at the other people in that river, people who can save you from drowning in that water, hold your hand and save you from being hit by a bus you so eagerly awaited to come knock the life out of you.
Help won't always be there, but then nor will your self created maze.
Then you may look back wondering What was that?
Was it me, in the black hole all this time?
It will be a past that will become etched in your memory.
And there will be a day when you'll look back at it in wonder, how you were a creator, a destroyer, so unapologetically human, an acceptor of your weakness, and above all a winner of your game.
It will dawn on you like a realisation, very gradually, like an epiphany.
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